real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
