That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
