she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
