Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
