i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
She's just so happy...and so naked.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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