Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
