I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
