my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
