She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize