So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
