Don't you send me to vm
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
