Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Randomize
