does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize
