Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
