Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Randomize
