Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
