from now on my penis is your penis
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
