Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Randomize
