There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
