Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
