the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
