Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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