There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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