your thong is hanging out like whoa
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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