You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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