i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
