I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
