totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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