I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
its liver damage thursday
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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