I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
