He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
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