she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
True strength comes from lack of pants
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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