maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
