everyone is single if you try hard enough
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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