last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
birth control should be required to get into college
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Randomize
