that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
