Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
