she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
