you have to choose: penises or morals?
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
