The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
