i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Randomize
