I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
