he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
