dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
