Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
