pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
