i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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