Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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