Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I would ride that face into the sunset
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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