Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
