I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
