Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
