carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
